Well, the day is ALMOST here! I thought I would log in an do a brief little journal entry as to how I’m feeling, now that I’m at the finish line. I have to say – while this is only my second pregnancy (and likely my last! LOL) it was NOT an easy one. Every pregnancy is different for everyone and my heart goes out to mamas out there who have medical conditions, depression, several children already and who are single moms … because going through a tough pregnancy … is the hardest thing I think I’ve had to go through in a LONG time, and I probably had it good compared to others!
Well, I’ll try not to complain too much but I also want to be honest. When I was pregnant with Leo, I was ON TOP OF THE WORLD. I was happier, more present, had more energy … I was one of “those annoying pregnant ladies” … in fact, I COULDN’T WAIT to get pregnant again!
This time around, not so much. My first trimester, I was so sick and tired that I truly didn’t feel myself. I was just a mess. I couldn’t work the same, I hated food, was too sick and tired to cook or play or clean (even shop! LOL). Second trimester was “ok” … although all I craved was red wine and so that was torture in itself LOL … and now the third trimester. Anxiety, insomnia, feeling anti-social, major aches and pains, restlessness, fogginess, emotional … (I MEAN EMOTIONAL)you name it!! People ask me how I’m doing and I don’t hold back “ugh horrible! LOL”!! Luckily, so far everyone is healthy so I am grateful for that … but I am not sure I can ever go through another pregnancy again, and I am PRAYING these symptoms go away once the baby comes.
As most of you know, I am a true busybody. I LOVE working and I love keeping busy. I can probably count on one hand how many times my ass has hit my couch in the last year!! LOL! I didn’t really take “slowing down” during pregnancy seriously, however, I did book 2 weeks off BEFORE my due date so I could get some bonding time with Leo. My plan was to go “pedal to the metal” until that break and then slow down for the few weeks before delivery. But, after my last two appointments, we pretty much came to the conclusion that the baby would likely be coming early. Due to a thin cervix and already dilating at 35 weeks, my (wonderful) doctor who knows me ALL too well and had already asked me a few times to slow down … finally, put the hammer down and asked me to completely stop working on my feet even earlier.
There was a part of me that was excited to have MORE time off before baby, but also mixed emotions. I don’t sit still well. I like to keep busy and moving and I feel like there is SO much left to do. We had crammed so many shoots and obligations into September which meant having lots of conversations with partners about how to shift the schedule and move forward. Luckily a lot of it was already shot and so the team is helping me make sure everything runs smoothly from here. I had envisioned lots of visits to the park, walks with Leo, scrubbing the house down, organizing the nursery, purging, cooking all in the final weeks … now I can’t do much of that. So … here I am pouring my heart out to you!! LOL! I also felt a mix of guilt for the Love it or List it crew. When I can’t work, usually they can’t work and so that means everyone on the crew is getting a break and not everyone wants that break from work and so in a way, I felt like I failed them (adding to the anxiety!).
So, if there are any mamas out there struggling with your pregnancy, YOU ARE NOT ALONE … my goodness growing a human is hard enough as it is … but when you add all the other crap we have to deal with physically and emotionally… it truly is a miracle! LOL!! All in all, I have SO much to be grateful for. We have a beautiful roof over our heads, new clothes waiting for baby, a healthy family and heaps of help and so we are in good shape, but I’ve had so many readers ask me for an update and I wasn’t about to sugar coat it! LOL …
Thank you all for your love and support during this pregnancy. From readers to followers to brands and fans … you all have shown our family so much love, kindness, and generosity. It truly does make this motherhood thing a little easier and it also inspires me to give this love (and sometimes stuff) back to others. I promise always to pay my gratitude forward!!
Ok … next update … you’ll be meeting little Miss 🙂
Until then …