The Bachelor Recap: My Perspective from Being a Former Bachelorette

Jillian HarrisAdvice, Gossip, Life55 Comments

Jillian Harris The Bachelor Recap

Hi everyone!! Jillian here!! I decided to step in for Mindy today on this recap as I have some thoughts to share with you based on my experience on The Bachelor along with my thoughts on how everything went down in this crazy ass finale!! Please be aware though, before you read this any further … there is a SPOILER ALERT in case you haven’t watched last night’s episode and you plan on watching it … close this now and come back to it later.

So, in regards to this whole dramatic ending … first, when you sign up for the show, you have about a 96% chance of getting your heart broken which is a pretty large percentage, but it’s the truth! The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are TV SHOWS, it’s a business. The Bachelor Franchise’s 1st priority is to make the show as successful as possible so that’s exactly what the guys and girls are signing up for! I think what happens is when people sign up for the show they don’t actually realize this though … I know I didn’t … I actually didn’t realize this until AFTER the show!

Jillian Harris The Bachelor RecapJillian Harris The Bachelor Recap

Secondly, what happened to Becca totally sucks, I can’t imagine feeling so betrayed and heartbroken … but I’m SO FRICKIN excited for her to the next BACHELORETTE!!!! Congrats BECCA!! But back to what Arie did to Becca and my honest thoughts on it … the show itself really messes with your head and you’re under a lot of pressure and you’re going through it all with a bunch of producers and cameras in front of you … and the reality is, sometimes they help you, and sometimes they help the show. Obviously, I wasn’t behind the scenes and I don’t know what happened with the whole live breakup ordeal but it COULD be possible that this was all set up from the very beginning … Arie may have WANTED to choose Lauren but someone could have convinced him to choose Becca … again, there is a lot of pressure and it’s a huge mind game!

Just like real life, sometimes people are kind of messed up when it comes to relationships, they don’t know who they’re supposed to be with and they get pressured easily by other people … they are the blind leading the blind … and that was totally me!! Thank god I have Justin now!!! But then some people are so clear-minded on what they want and they make clear decisions and don’t let their heart mess with their head!! Being unsure or indecisive about love doesn’t make you a bad person, I think Arie has good intentions but maybe he isn’t the best at navigating these emotions!! Many guys (and girls!) are like this, especially in their 20’s and early 30’s!!

Arie made a mistake and he decided to fix it. A lot of people wouldn’t even have the balls to do this!! This take a lot of courage and bravery to change a mistake like this and I can pretty much guarantee you that if he had the choice to break up with Becca in private he would have done so!! But remember, he is in a CONTRACT! No one wants to break up with someone on camera, it’s already awkward enough but do you think The Bachelor would have wanted this done off camera?? Hell no!! So, we all get to watch the good, the bad and the ugly … and it’s kind of crazy that we are humans like to see this sort of thing … it’s a bit heartbreaking! Gah!! I will say here though, that I don’t agree with the fact that Arie had to talk to Lauren to confirm that the feelings were still there … Lauren shouldn’t have anything to do with it … what if he talked to her and didn’t have those feelings again?? Would he have stayed with Becca and just settled???

Jillian Harris The Bachelor Recap

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Anyway … I wish all the best for Becca, Arie, and Lauren … I think they are all sweet and deserve love but I hope Lauren doesn’t get her heartbroken!! I’m counting down the days to see Becca as the next Bachelorette!! I think she is going to be AMAZING!!

What are your thoughts on this whole season and Becca as the next Bachelorette?? Comment below!




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  • Carrie  • 

    I agree with you, people make mistakes and it takes balls to correct them sometimes. I however found it very offputting that he proposed last night, so very publicly. Unecessaty, unless that is, of course that was the only way for him to get one of those Neal Lane sparklers… 🙄 I just think it was tacky and looked greedy.

  • Gail Lilge  • 

    Bachelor/ette is a business first and it is a bonus if people actually fall in love and live happily ever after. Agree that Ari should have made the decision without Lauren, unfortunately most people would have done what he did.

  • Brenda  • 

    I think the bachelor they chose for her so far are creepy. Hope she has a better selection or I won’t be watching. Didn’t watch any of the season with the black bachelorette. Don’t care for interracial dating or marriages at all.

  • I am just shocked that Becca would agree to go thru this again. Makes me wonder if she was really all that into Ari to begin with. Her reaction to the break up seemed a bit underwhelming to say the least.

  • Karly Goertzen  • 

    I think that so often people are quick to judge. Like so many bachelor and bachelorettes have said in the past, we can’t know what it’s like when we’ve never been in a situation like that before. I think that it was heartbreaking to watch Becca go through all that she did, but what a strong and beautiful woman she is! I’m SO excited to watch her season. As for Arie and Lauren, we are not a part of their relationship, and if people constantly tear them down we aren’t contributing to a good environment for them to continue to grow and love each other. I think we should be mindful that they are adults and they have made the decision to be together and we should support that, we should want the best for people regardless of what they’ve done. I hope all of them the best and bring on Becca’s season!!

  • Carolyn  • 

    Thanks for sharing your behind the scences tid bits. Did hear that Robert Mills an executive producer said that Arie was not under contract to break up with Becca on camera. He had a choice. Does this change your persepctive?

  • I agree with everything you said and only hope the best for all three my one thing about the end and I wish her the Best Buy if your so in love and did except Aries proposal and he broke it off how could you go right into being the bachelorette right away without healing time

  • Ashley  • 

    I feel bad for Becca that the break up had to play out on national tv but obviously the franchise wanted some drama for an otherwise boring season. It also ultimately set Becca up for being the Bachelorette.

    As for Arie I feel like he would have been conflicted no matter who he chose. If he had actually chosen Lauren he may have had regrets and gone to Becca. He seems just very unsure of himself and what he is looking for.

    I really wish Arie hadn’t proposed to Lauren on the show. I wish them nothing but happiness but they should have taken time to get to know each other post show especially since he JUST ended things with Becca.

    Thanks Mindy and Jillian for your blog! I always enjoy the Bachelor/Bachelorette review.

  • I’m not feeling as mad or disgusted as others have been. I think Arie followed his heart. And from the view I was watching on the TV from my couch, it was Lauren all along. Like you were saying, I feel as though he was pressured by someone to choose Becca. Truthfully, I actually kinda felt like that whole breakup scene was a bit fake. I wouldn’t be one bit surprised if that whole scenario was set up by producers. Choose Becca, breakup with Becca and go back to LAuren. Haven’t had that happen for years!!! Ratings are what this show is all about. I do how ever hope that Arie and Lauren make it 🙂

  • Agree 100% with you comments! It’s a show and they want to keep getting ratings to keep the show going ! I feel when you sign on the contract dotted line, the own you for that contract period, the end! I think Becca will make a great bachelorette, and she will know very soon what Arie went through…

  • Val Smith  • 

    I completely agree Jillian… honestly in my opinion, although yes it was sad and heartbreaking for Becca to get hurt that way,.. I have to say, isn’t it better that he broke it off with Becca before more time went by?, isn’t it better that he ended it sooner rather than later?. I think so.. I am happy he is following his heart and I truly hope he and Lauren do have a long engagement and it leads to marriage.
    Becca is doing great and moving on , being the Bachelorette now, and I wish her all the best. But now that all the world can see she is doing great.. I think it is time to let Arie and Lauren have their time to.
    It is what it is.. and now it is time to let it all go. Life does go on.

  • Cristina  • 

    I guess I just disagree with the fact that he HAD to do the breakup on camera. Technically he didn’t HAVE to tell Producers + Chris Harrison he wanted to break up with Becca before actually doing it. Right? You are not under contract to notify them if you want to break up before you can do it, right? So that just seems a little wrong to me still. He could have privately had that conversation with Becca and THEN told Producers what happened and then chosen to have aftermath filmed if Becca agreed. Also, YES to your last point. It bothered me SO MUCH that he kept saying “I hope Lauren takes me back and I didn’t risk this all for nothing.” That made it seem like he ONLY wanted to breakup with Becca if he knew for sure Lauren would take him back. And that is messed up. So what, he’s just going to drag Becca along for more time in that case? And like you said “settle”?? No no no. Just wrong on all counts. Regardless, I just don’t think Arie is a good guy. From everything you heard about him before the season even started and then to have it end like this…it goes to show he’s a selfish womanizer. Good luck to Lauren! And CAN’T WAIT for Becca to find a man a million times better!!

  • The entire show and its concept are crap

  • REBECCA  • 

    Love you and your thoughts. All valid. I wish all the best and adore Becca and some of the other girls (Caroline).. sooo much from this season. This show also teaches women (and men) a lot about friendship and power over your own choices in life and love. That is invaluable. Much love to you, as I adore you always and follow you religiously 🤣☺️❤️

  • Maggie McDonell  • 

    Hi Jillian,
    I love your blog but I have trouble reading it. I find your font both too light and too delicate to see clearly. I know it’s pretty but it’s really hard for us old babes to see clearly. Any chance you would consider changing it or even keeping same font but bolding it?

  • I didn’t want him to stay with her if he realized he made a mistake, I just object to filming it for so long! He wouldn’t leave when she asked him to, then left, then came back. Didn’t have much to say. It was torture to watch.

  • Love Becca, she is Minnesota nice and so beautiful inside and out!!!!👍

  • Susan.  • 

    Very excited for Becca as the bachelorette I still as of yet can’t figure out where Arie and Lauren are for me as I feel like you said he talked to Lauren before break up and wasn’t honest with Becca.

  • I feel he did the right thing. Better now than later. I do not feel that Becca should be the bachelorette, it is too soon. But then maybe her feeling for Arie were not that strong for her to be over it already. She did not seem too heartbroken to me. Maybe I am wrong. But I wish Arie and Lauren the best. He seemed to be more in love with her.Think he choose Becca because of family and maybe safer choice.,but was really in love with Lauren.

  • Bonnie  • 

    I totally agree with all your comments, and your take on what went down this season. Yes it is a business, and they managed to capture everyone’s attention this season. Created a lot of conversation and debate and emotion etc. so the show achieved its goal.
    100% agree on your reasoning as to why the break up was filmed. It is exactly the same as filming the drama that occurs between the contestants. It is all about creating situations that will cause the viewers to tune in next week. Or next season
    I have often wondered if any of the conversations are scripted

  • I thinks Becca totally reminds me of you Jillian! She’s smart, confident,sassy and totally looks like you! I think what Becca did was totally right – saying he had to follow his heart. She wouldn’t have wanted him to be in the relationship 1/2 ways. She’s totally level headed that way and is a big person to say that. Go Becca! You will be a great bachelorette! Rooting for you & your person! Just do the damn thing!!

  • Well Said! Soooo true Jillian! I hope it works out for all of them. 🙂

  • Cassandra  • 

    It was big of Lauren to accept Arie back when his brute family rooted for Becca, that in itself would make me feel very uncomfortable with his family going forward. I still feel he was driven by a more lustful passion for Lauren than Becca. Not sure if Arie knows what love is.

  • Cassandra  • 

    It was big of Lauren to accept Arie back when his entire family rooted for Becca, that in itself would make me feel very uncomfortable with his family going forward. I still feel he was driven by a deeper lust for Lauren than Becca. Not sure if Arie knows what love is.

  • Arie did not take a risk at all as he waited until he knew that Lauren would take him back before breaking up with Becca. So he would have SETTLED for Becca if Lauren would not have taken him back??? SLIME!!!

  • It’s reality tv. We got Arie’s reality. He explained he wanted it taped because he wanted everyone to know the breakup was on him and that he wanted to afford Becca the opportunity to be the next Bachelorette. Done and done!

  • Hi Jillian … you summed it up perfectly. These reality shows are designed for ratings, while having the contestants locked in contracts. I felt the whole breakup scenario with Becca was prearranged. I felt for both her and Arie having to endure cameras in their faces during that time. I’m sure it was difficult for both of them on many levels.

    I’m glad this particular season is over. I think Becca’s a good choice for the next Bachelorette , but … is she honestly ready for another round of this ? I hope she finds her person, and I hope Lauren doesn’t find herself in heartbreak hotel some day.

  • I was very surprised that he chose Becca and not at all surprised that he changed his mind. Reasons why I thought he’d end up with Lauren are that the last woman he fell in love with looks very similar to Lauren, and Arie’s whole family have blond wives. lol. I think they all prefer blonds.
    I totally agree with everything you mention, Jillian. Almost all of it is about ‘the business’ of the show.
    And, I can’t wait for Becca to be the next Bachelorette.

  • I agree with you that the producers probably had a huge role in him picking Becca and that it was them who wanted the breakup on camera. I feel like there was so much backlash towards them picking Arie because a lot of the younger generation find him irrelevant compared to Dean, Peter, etc.. and wanted to make sure he was relevant and talked about. As much as I think it was wrong to have talked to Lauren first and record the breakup with Becca and to propose to her when he was so unsure, I do feel like he was trying to make everyone else happy and think it was good he didn’t drag Becca along more than she should have been (although doing this prior to a proposal would have been much better!).

  • Tanis S  • 

    I was hoping Becca would be the next Bachelorette, so am pretty happy with how things turned out. Glad you are putting this into perspective for people. Many seem completely incapable, or unwilling to put themselves in his shoes and imagine how awkward it would be. I don’t think he handled things the best possible way, but I think he did the best he could in a bad situation, and hope things work out for them. (I really think it was his family that swayed his decision. If they had kept their mouths shut, he may have followed his heart? We’ll never know).

  • Hi Jillian! I agree with you that people mess up, but the reality is that nobody put a gun to his head and force him to propose. Hey, look at Juan Pablo, he didn’t propose and neither Brad Womack, he had the choice and in that moment he should have taken a step back. Obviously we are not going to crucify him for that, but the decision of breaking up on camera was totally his responsibility, he already said multiple times that he DID that so the public could see it was his fault and not Becca’s, he said that he in fact decided to do it on camera. But, for me, the worst is that he reached out to Lauren, with Becca’s “permission”, just to get closer and then NEVER told Becca he did it and what he felt. And he kept talking to Lauren without Becca’s knowledge. Also, he wanted to know FIRST if Lauren would take him back before, as he said, “messing everything up and doing this mess”, soooo, he would stay with Becca if Lauren didn’t want him back?? If he really didn’t feel it anymore with Becca, why would be need to first see what Lauren was feeling for him? Jason Mesnik didn’t talk to Molly’s before hand, he did it after telling Melissa it was over, very very different.
    And also his interviews while Lauren is sitting right next to him are horrible, he is saying he knew how hard all this was going to be for him, just for him?!?!?!? I mean, what about Becca and Lauren?
    He lacks empathy and just on the break up with Becca, you could see how he didn’t care at all for Becca’s feelings, he wasn’t sad, he really didn’t care.
    And last, the proposal, WOWWW, like whyyy?!?!? Why there in that moment, the face on Lauren’s mom said everything, poor mom, she was in shock and sad, she sure was thinking my 25 year old daughter 3rd fiancé and 3rd proposal, I was very sad to see how Lauren’s dignity is none existent, just to take him back like that, without give it a second thought, that was very sad, women deserve better than all this.
    I know is a TV show and they manipulate and edit how they want, but Arie definitely doesn’t need bad edit, he makes himself look bad on his own!!
    I love you Jillian, love your instastories and Leo!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • Melissa  • 

      They didn’t put a gun to him, just a bedazzling Neil Lane Diamond ring!Haha. Who would say no to that? If you love someone and think it might work out, you’re gonna pop the question no matter what to get the ring.

  • I have to admit I felt for Ari and like most wish the breakup had been kept a little more private …. What I am having a problem understanding is Becca being chosen and wanting to be the next Bachelorette … I think she should of taken a minute to get over her heartbreak before jumping into what seems to be a pressurer cooker …. I think she would of been more prepared perhaps next season if she was still single to take this on …. Anyway just my opinion …. Happiness for all I hope 💞

  • Here is the interview with a producer explaining that actually Arie wasn’t forced into filming it:

    • Melissa  • 

      He probobly took one for the team because he broke her heart, and knowing it would help Becca become the bachelorette

  • That was my main question that was not asked. What if when Arie called Lauren and she had said no thanks. Would he have then stayed with Becca??? And settled?? I can’t believe no one asked that question last night?

  • Leslie  • 

    Just weird all around. But we all LOVE to watch. So i guess we are all weird. 🤪

  • Kim L.  • 

    I respectfully disagree. 🙂 I think Rachel Lindsay’s recap (in US Weekly) says it best! 👌 Give it a read! The most accurate recap so far! IMO

  • Melissa  • 

    I feel that in order for people to back Becca as the bachelorette they had to see what she went through…the heartbreak and then moving on.
    If they didn’t show that I feel bachelor nation wouldn’t have embraced her as much.
    The whole thing is a shitty circumstance and hope that Lauren doesn’t get her heart broken as well.

  • I believe this was a setup. How many times have we been able to see any followup filming (after the proposal) except to see the couple on the After the Final Rose night. They filmed Arie and Becca as the happy couple leading to the “phony” breakup in LA. I think They knew going into the season that Becca would be the next Bachelorette and used her to bring some drama into this season. It’s all anout ratings!
    Am I the only one who thinks this?

  • Donna-Marie Tarver  • 

    Thanks Jilly. Love your insight as usual….read Raven;s take on it it was interesting since she had a front row seat to the slow moving train wreck that was Arie & Becca but one thing is for sure as always there is a rainbow and I believe the best outcome eventually came out of this BIG mess. Wishing Becca good luck finding her Prince charming one that suites her best/better, a happy life together for Arie and Lauren they seemed the best fit always thought it would be her, and as always so happy you found your prince in Justin. #happilyeverafter

  • “I will say here though, that I don’t agree with the fact that Arie had to talk to Lauren to confirm that the feelings were still there … Lauren shouldn’t have anything to do with it … what if he talked to her and didn’t have those feelings again?? Would he have stayed with Becca and just settled???”

    That was my question last night as well; I am surprised no one thought to ask. My second question was…Was that the same engagement ring that he gave Becca first? Sure looked the same. Tsk. My opinion, and I hope I am wrong, is that hey won’t makeit. As others said…I don’t think Arie knows what he wants. As for Becca as the next Bachelorette ? Well, she certainly seems over her “heartbreak” and ready for a new experience already???? Why do I watch this crap….

  • I wish everyone happiness, but I think Arie was very deceitful. It is one thing to breakup with someone – it happens! But, he reached out to Lauren, while still engaged, to check on his insurance policy relationship, not to get closure. He mislead Becca on his intentions with reaching out, and this shows that he was only partially honest.

  • Brittany Yong  • 

    I 100% agree Jillian! Very well said. I genuinely think Arie is a great guy and as you said this show can mess with you and your head. All the best to them and Love is Love!

  • Elizabeth  • 

    Sorry that is BS that Arie had to break-up with Becca on camera. He chose to do so, he could have easily told the producers ‘no way, that is cruel and I’m not doing it.’ Jason Mesnick has gone on record as saying that he wished that he had broken up with Melissa off-camera. You could tell from watching that the producers were encouraging Arie to go back in and try to get Becca to come out and talk to him so that they could film more despite the fact that she told him to leave repeatedly. Becca thought they were having a ‘Happy Couples’ weekend. She was completely blindsided by his actions. Plus he lied to her and didn’t tell her that he had already spoken to Lauren and she was totally onboard with getting back together. His actions were completely shady. And proposing to Lauren after everyone watched him not only propose to Becca but then break-up with her the night before, again shady.

  • Melissa  • 

    I totally agree. I think the whole breakup was “produced” (how many times did Chris Harrison say it was raw unedited film… who’s he trying to convince? Lol) and that they convinced (or forced) Becca to do the breakup on tv so she could become America’s sweetheart and ultimately the bachelorette (which she was probobly happy to do with that role in mind). Let’s be honest, there wasn’t really a clear Bachelorette this season, they were all pretty dull (to be honest the whole season was pretty dull, they needed to spice it up, and they tried with Becca’s ex, but that fell flat). ABC needed some controversy to get viewers excited to watch the bachelorette. ABC seems to be clutching at straws this season and their manipulation is shining through (though most people it seems are buying it, so the show will go on!). My mom says I’m a conspiracy theorist, but I grew up near Hollywood, the phoniest place on earth haha!! : ) : )

  • Arie definitely has a type(Lauren, Emily..). I feel like he got caught up in the pressure and made the wrong split second decision. However, I think Lauren is a big person to take him back after being humiliated on national tv. I hope things work out for them and they can work past all this craziness in the real world. Can’t WAIT to see Becca as the Bachelorette, she is such a strong, confident woman and she is gonna KILL IT!!

  • Did not care for Arie from the start.. Maybe that clouds my perspective about the finale. He had a few bothersome habits which I will not comment on.. They just bugged me! Hated how he picked up the Rose when on one-on- one dates and waved it under the girls nose and pretty much said ” here is the Rose ! But I can’t give it to you!” That just stinks. I did wonder if the breakup was staged. It was very uncomfortable to watch. Becca showed amazing restraint. She would have every right to have really gone off on the creep. As to what he would do if Lauren told him to get lost? I think he would have stayed with Becca and played house because his family pretty much said she would be a good choice for a wife.
    I DO wish the After the Rose show could have just stuck with the dreadful situation between Arie & Becca and not gone on to wave the flowery blah blah of Lauren. She shouldn’t have been given air time in my opinion and the ” big proposal ” was absolutely Gag Worthy. I felt disgusted by the display .
    Enjoyed the preview of The Bachelorette tho, I think Becca will do very well and I hope she finds ” The One”

  • Nicole  • 

    I’ve been watching the show Unreal recently and can totally see how producers could mess with your head! I think in the end it turned out the way it was supposed to and I can’t wait to see Becca as the Bachelorette!

  • Camille  • 

    Jillian, couldn’t agree more. Clearly you have more incite in this matter then I do, but we all know that this is a show, and that we are on relationship in hyper speed, as if that doesn’t mess with your head. Arie was probably given “suggestions” from many different areas, including his family, and that’s hard thinking ignore never mind in a situation such as the one The Bachelor puts you in. I love Becca, and am so exited that she’s the next Bschelorette, but Arie and Lauren deserve love too… and I hope they BOTH don’t get their hearts broken.

  • Disappointing….This “bachelor/bachelorette” thing is so unhealthy for young women. This is not how I would celebrate National Women’s Day. *sigh*

  • THANK YOU for this! I agree with absolutely everything. Arie has gotten such a bad rap from people who just need to get a grip. I mean, really! Honestly, I felt this whole thing was as close to what real life can be like than any other season. Hearts are broken, engagements are called off, wrong partners are chosen, EVERY DAY. I hope the best for Arie and Lauren; that their love is the real thing. And yes, Becca will be an awesome bachelorette!

  • I think once Becca has her turn to go through her season, she will have a greater respect for what Arie went through. We all make mistakes. Good luck to all!

  • I agree with you, I too was struck by his need for validation before he would break up with Becca. Based on the format of the show, I am actually surprised that this is only the 2nd time the Bachelor has chosen #2 as his #1.

    The only thing that I take issue with is that he had the poor taste to propose to Lauren with Becca “in the house”. Okay you made a mistake…no need to rub her nose in it.

  • Very well said Jillian. Thanks for sharing your perspective.